Dependence, Helplessness, Hopelessness - November 1, 2011

Are there things you depend on to be there?   I sure count on electricity, running water, food on the shelf, my car to start, the sun to come up each day.....  the list goes on and on!  We count on certain elements and relationships to be in our lives each and every day.  Oh my word, we are surrounded by those people and things on which we depend!

Sometimes when change affects those things we depend upon we are shocked, discouraged, and left feeling incapable of moving forward.

Stepping outside of our comfort zones brings on change; we are surrounded with new conditions, new relationships, new opportunities, and yet we have made a change in course that causes some of the things we depend upon to change, be removed, or maybe even no longer be possible.

Having watched and listened to Jen adapt to her way of living in Macedonia, there are so many things that would have been on her  “I depend upon” list in her life here in Nebraska that have changed.  Some of these “I count on” items, relationships, and experiences have been put on hold until she returns to this side of the great pond.  Some of these “I count on” items must be solved, found, built, or replaced for her day to day life to be endurable, acceptable, or  comfortable in Tetovo.

In those earliest Macedonian days, she adapted to no transportation (other than her own feet), finding food (each and every meal comes in a new routine and availability), finding water (don’t drink the tap water on campus),  building communication lines (no international cell phone, secure computer use and internet), meeting co-workers (all new job and responsibilities), getting acclimated to a new culture (language, routines, norms), living alone (and in a dorm room), no coffee maker, no hair dryer, no microwave, no ice, no tv, no college football, no Walmart!   So many aspects of Jen’s life changed immediately upon arriving in Macedonia.  The challenges and adaptations bombarded her.  The changes were 24/7; no setting them up on the shelf and dealing with them as she chose.  Change was inevitable.

As the things that you depend on are changed or go away, helplessness can set in.   With so many hours a day spend building a comfort zone, learning a new way of life -  you can feel overwhelmed!  And so it is true in each of our lives.  There are times when we either by choice or by chance are forced outside of our comfort zones.  Sometimes age, disease, misfortune, or  tragedy can inflict drastic changes in our lives.  We can feel helpless.  In fact, we can be so devastated that hopeless even sets in.

In those first few days, Jen was overwhelmed and I heard in her voice that all too familiar tone of helplessness knocking on the door of hopelessness.  Those moments  in that abyss when you are not sure you can take your next breath!   Sometimes we can even sink to having to remind ourselves....  “Breathe in, breathe out.....  Breathe in, breathe out!”

Dependence challenged, helpless met, and hopeless set aside brings us the strength and growth that is only available when we face and master such depth of change.  How will we adapt?  How will we accept?  What will we build?  How will we look in the face of helplessness and carve out our new satisfactions?

One breath at a time, one step at a time, one moment at a time, one challenge at a time.....  and we can create a new life pattern. With each day Jen has built new relationships, understandings, and procured new “I can count ons”.   In fact, today she is traveling to Zagreb, Croatia for a conference and some sightseeing.  Tetovo and SEE University are now her routine that she leaves behind and steps into a new world.  Change accepted, growth cultivated. 

And so it is on each of our lives,  when we are able to adapt and accept change; growth is ours.  Helplessness and hopelessness are conquered.  Joy and peace abound.

What will today look like for you?  What will today look like for me?  We know Jen is enjoying a great adventure having grown with her challenges for change.